


keep the love light glowing (in your eyes so true)

by clarissawrites



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Chrismukkah AU, F/F, Fluff and pining, Friends to Enemies to Lovers AU, I don't know a lot about Hanukkah so I'm very sorry if I get it wrong, and find each other again after 6 years, except not really, holiday au, it is 100 percent supercorp, it's fluffy and Lena is a helpless gay, they just have a falling out, what more do you need really?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21908263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarissawrites/pseuds/clarissawrites
Summary: Lena Luthor finds herself in Midvale at Christmastime, six years after a falling out with her (former) best friend, Kara. Still helplessly in love, she keeps accepting invitations to holiday activities with the Danvers' extended family, despite her belief that Kara has moved on.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 50
Kudos: 756





	1. Chapter 1

_Waking up in bed next to her best friend should not feel as good as it does._

_Lena snuggles her face into the pillow as she tries to stay asleep for a few more minutes and hums happily. Kara’s arm is heavy around her waist, her hips pressed flush against Lena’s ass. Lena’s never felt more content or comfortable in her entire life._

_She should be terrified that she slept with her best friend—her only real friend—but she’s not._

_It feels_ right.

_In here, she has nothing to worry about, nothing to fear. She’s hungover, she has to pee, and her mouth feels like sandpaper, but there’s nowhere she’d rather be._

_She graduates today with her PhD. In the next two weeks she has several interviews at some of the top tech companies in the world, and will probably have a high paying job by the end of the month. Kara’s spent the past year working after finishing her undergrad, and is starting her masters program in the fall. They’ve been best friends for almost three years even though by all accounts they shouldn’t have even met, considering Lena’s so ahead for her age._

_Kara wraps her arm a little tighter around Lena’s waist, nestling her face into the back of Lena’s neck and letting out a little sigh. Lena smiles to herself, giddy at the thought of what this could mean going forward._

_She’s been attracted to Kara since the day they met. Kara, though, had been a bit slow on the uptake, and had a minor freak out the night Lena kissed her two weeks ago for the first time. Last night, she showed up at Lena’s door and finally kissed her back. Kissing led to other things, and despite being slightly buzzed and surprisingly nervous about graduating today, Lena slept better in Kara’s arms than she has in years._

_They have a lot to talk about, she knows, but for now she has to get up and make it to the ceremony. She wiggles out of Kara’s hold, smiling at the disappointed huff from the other woman, who snuggles into her abandoned pillow and falls back asleep._

_Lena drops a kiss on her forehead before she leaves, putting a little note by Kara’s coffee to find her after the ceremony and leaves._

_Little does she know that the moment she steps out of that apartment, her life will never be the same._

* * *

**6 years later**

The Midvale grocery store is decidedly lacking in cheese options.

Lena huffs a sigh, popping a few options in her basket. It’s not like she’s hosting a dinner party or anything, so what does it really matter? _Stop being a stuck-up, Lena_ , she chides herself, channeling a little of Sam into her inner voice.

Turning, she looks down at her list as she moves into the next aisle. Hopefully she can find some crackers and wine that aren’t terrible to go with the cheese, or it won’t matter anyway. At least they had some decent brie. Their vegetable department wasn’t terribly lacking either and they even had good hummus, so there’s that.

This trip has been nothing but disappointing so far though, so it’s no surprise that her grocery stop would be too. Sam’s been begging her to check out this location for their new expansion project, and now that she’s finally here, she has absolutely no idea why.

The people she met with today were condescending and apprehensive, and Lena’s tired and annoyed. In a last ditch-effort to feel in charge of her life, she decided to get a nice charcuterie spread and some wine and just relax after a long day of boring meetings with a bunch of old men that were even less used to a 30-year old woman bossing them around than her usual crowd.

She’s debating between two brands of sub-par olives when she hears the crash of a jar being dropped nearby and almost doesn’t glance up. When she does, she almost drops her own jars, the air whooshing out of her lungs as she stares.

There, standing ten feet away from her surrounded by a growing puddle of pasta sauce is a face she though she’d never see again.

“Lena?” Kara breathes. “What are you doing here?”

Lena gapes at her like a fish. She has no idea what to say. Kara looks absolutely the same; that is to say, she’s stunning.

“I…uh, what are _you_ doing here?”

A little crinkle appears between Kara’s brows. “I live here. Er, well, my… Eliza lives here. I’m home for the holidays.”

Lena’s sure her heart stops. Of course. It’s almost Christmas, she should have remembered. In fact, the only reason she’d allowed herself to be convinced to come to Midvale at all was because she knew that Kara lived in National City now and was sure she’d have no chance of seeing her.

“Right,” Lena croaks out, and clears her throat. “I’m… um, my company is hoping to bring a few subsidiaries to small towns across the country so we can truly hire the best people for our jobs without having to force relocation. My CFO wanted me to come and see if Midvale was a good fit.”

She’s going to kill Sam.

“Wow.” Kara adjusts her glasses, looking a little impressed. “That’s really cool.”

“Yeah.” Lena’s having trouble focusing on much besides the brilliance of Kara’s eyes, the skin of her collarbone visible behind the open collar of her button down. “Yeah, it is.”

“Is it going well?” Kara asks, a little stilted.

Lena nods jerkily, placing one jar of olives on the shelf and the other in her basket without looking to see which is which. “Yeah, it is.”

“Cool,” Kara says again, and then there’s not much to say. After a moment, she swallows and looks down at the mess by her feet, waving her hand awkwardly. “I, uh, I should get someone…”

“Yeah,” Lena manages.

Kara backs up a few steps. “Uh, it was really, it was really good to see you, Lena.”

“You…uh,” Lena clears her throat, “you too.”

It’s Kara’s turn to give a jerky nod, and then she’s turning, and then she’s walking away, and then she’s about to reach the end of the isle, and she’s going to leave Lena like Lena left her, and she doesn’t know why, but Lena finds herself calling out.

“Kara?”

The other woman spins so fast Lena’s surprised she doesn’t give herself whiplash. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

She’s not sure exactly what she’s apologizing for: for being here, for leaving all those years ago, for never offering a real explanation, for never trying to get Kara back.

Somehow Kara understands. She smiles, though it’s a bit sad. “I know. It’s ok.”

It’s really not, but Lena nods anyway, turning away. She’s about to head toward the register (she has whiskey back at the Air B&B she’s staying at, who needs wine?) when Kara calls her name.

It’s Lena’s turn to spin fast enough to make herself dizzy. Kara’s walking toward her hesitantly, wringing her hands together.

“We’re, uh, we’re having a little friends get-together tomorrow night, if you wanted to come? It’s at Eliza’s, she still lives at the same place. Totally casual, you know, games and wine and stuff. If you want.”

She’s so hopeful and adorable and beautiful and Lena’s heart is pounding in her chest and she wants to say yes but she shouldn’t, but it’s _Kara_ , and she takes a little too long to answer because Kara starts rambling again, stumbling out an apology.

“I mean, no pressure, you don’t have to it’s totally cool if you don’t want…”

“No, I’ll come,” Lena stutters out, because she’s a glutton for punishment.

Kara’s face instantly brightens. “Oh. Ok! Cool. You, uh, you still have the address?”

Lena nods.

“Ok. It’s, it starts at 7. Or, well, whenever. If you’re busy before that. Or whatever. And you can bring a drink or snack to share, or both. If you want! You don’t have to.”

Lena finds herself smiling. “I’ll bring something.” Better go get that wine, then.

Kara smiles back, and it’s brilliant and beautiful and amazing. “Ok. See you tomorrow, Lena.”

“See you tomorrow,” Lena manages, but Kara’s already gone.

* * *

 _Lionel Luthor contacts her on her 18_ _ th _ _birthday._

_“I am no longer obligated by law to send you money,” he tells her, “but I want to continue paying for the things that you need. Your schooling, your housing, utilities, and other expenses so you don’t have to work. Anything. A brilliant mind like yours should not be wasted. ”_

_“Why haven’t you contacted me until now?” She asks, a little hurt and mostly confused._

_“Your mother asked me not to.”_

_“She died three years ago,” Lena tells him._

_She can hear the sadness in his voice. “I know. I wanted to honor her wishes anyway, that I not contact you until you turned 18.”_

_She learns that she will inherit a lot of money. He sends Lex down to find an apartment with her, close to campus and not too large, but comfortable. She already has enough scholarships to pay for the rest of her degree, but he arranges for a stipend to be sent every month to pay for food, gas, whatever. He even buys her a car._

_“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you when you were young,” he tells her. “But anything you need now will be provided.”_

_Lena hardly asks him for a penny more than he gives, and half of what he does goes to charity anyway. She pays him back by studying hard, essentially breaking off the few friendships she has to work hard and get ahead. She’s on track to receive her first PhD by 23._

_She doesn’t really want Lionel’s help at first, but she has to admit, it’s easier to get her own work done if she doesn’t have to take on tutoring jobs just to eat or pay rent. She misses the tutoring just a little, but she enjoys her own studies even more, so it’s not too much of a loss._

_Lionel offers her a job at the family company even before she’s graduated, but she tells him that she wants to interview other places as well and choose the best fit for herself. He respects her decision, though she can tell he’s a bit disappointed._

_She finds a letter from her mother asking her to not blame her father, to give him a chance. “I wanted you to be a Luthor too, Lena,” she writes. Lena discovers Lillian, and why that had never been a possibility before now._

_Lillian hates her. Lillian hates everything she is, everything she stands for. When she meets them for the first time, Lillian cannot stop talking about how much better Lex is at this or that thing, cannot stop judging her or critiquing her._

_They don’t get together much after that._

_Lex pops around every now and again, but Lena’s so busy studying she hardly has time for him. Lionel sends her money and occasional encouragement and calls her on her birthday every year, but mostly lets her be. Lillian doesn’t say a word._

_For a while, Lena almost forgets about them. She meets Kara, falls in love with her, and pushes toward graduation with gusto. She has plans for her future._

_Unfortunately, the world has other plans._

* * *

She has no idea why she said yes. _Why did she say yes?_

The afternoon following her run-in with Kara at the grocery store, Lena paces her apartment restlessly. She barely slept last night, and hasn’t gotten any work done all day. She thought she was over Kara. She thought, for a minute, that she could move on. Pretend to forget her former best friend, the best night of her life just before graduation, forget everything about her life _before_.

Clearly, she hasn’t.

With a groan, Lena flops down into an armchair and covers her face with her hands. She’s had a number of romances over the last six and a half years, all ending quickly and often poorly. No one compares to Kara. But Lena’s the one that ended things, and she has no right to waltz back up to Kara and tell her that she still loves her.

Because Lena still loves her. She’s still _in love_ with her, and seeing her in the grocery store made that painfully obvious.

How the hell is she supposed to go hang out with her and some friends and pretend like everything’s ok?

She almost doesn’t go.

Almost, being the operative word.

From 5:00 to 5:22, she convinces herself she’s not going. From 5:22 to 5:40, she gives herself a pep talk about why it would be good for her to get out of the house. From 5:40 to 6:02, she reminds herself of all the reasons why it would be a bad idea to see Kara again. From 6:02 to 6:19, she cries about how much she wants to, much to her own dismay and embarrassment. From 6:19 to 6:40, she washes her face and re-does her makeup and tells herself that maybe this could help her get over Kara, and wouldn’t that make the awkwardness worth it? From 6:40 to 6:49, she convinces herself (again) that it would be a bad idea to go.

At 6:50 she gets in the car and drives to Eliza’s house, which would usually be 23 minutes away.

It’s almost 7:30 when she gets there, since its’ starting to sleet and the temperature is dropping, and she forces herself to drive slow and not break laws or be reckless lest she get into an accident. Then she makes herself get out of the car with the bottle of wine and walk straight up to the front door without talking herself out of it again in the driveway.

The house has lights strung up for Christmas. There are several cars in the driveway and she swears she can hear faint laughter and music from inside.

Taking a deep breath, Lena rings the bell and waits.

She’s almost decided to just turn around and go when the door finally swings open, but instead of Kara or Eliza or even Alex, Lena is greeted by a tiny little girl, about three or four years old, with blonde curly hair and brilliant blue eyes.

She looks like Kara.

Lena gapes at her. The child stares back, eyes wide and curious.

_She looks just. like. Kara._

Lena could kick herself. Of course Kara is married. Of course she has a child. Of course her life turned out beautiful and perfect and exactly the way she wanted, because Kara was the type of person that would always get beautiful, perfect things in life without trying.

“Who’re you?” The little girl asks.

“I…” Lena says, unable to form words. Her stomach is twisting into this massive knot and she feels like she’s going to cry again. She should just leave.

Footsteps draw their attention and Lena and the little girl both look up to see Kara approaching. Her smile is bright. “Lena, you came!”

The little girl bounces over to her and Kara picks her up in on fluid motion, tickling her to make her giggle.

“Who’s that?” she asks when she’s settled into Kara’s arms.

Kara pulls the door open wider. “This is my friend Lena. Please, come in.”

Lena steps in the door, a bit awkwardly. She pointedly doesn’t look at Kara’s hand for a wedding ring. “I, uh, I brought wine. Sorry I’m late.”

“Oh, it’s fine! Nia just got here too. We haven’t really started yet. Eliza’s just about to get this one off to bed, and then we’ll be good to go.”

Kara sets the little girl down, kissing her on the head. “Go find Grandma, Astrid,” she instructs, and takes the wine from Lena so she can take off her coat and shoes.

When they get to the living room, the little girl is telling everyone good night, giving out kisses and hugs to all of Kara’s friends. Alex is there, and Winn is too, but the rest she doesn’t know at all.

“Look who came!” Kara says, excited, grinning. Lena sees Alex eye her apprehensively before standing and holding out her hand.

“Hey, Lena. Kara told us she ran into you yesterday.”

“Hello, Alex.”

She greets Winn as well, and then Kara goes around the room to point out the rest of her friends.

“This is James, and Lucy, and Nia, and Brainy, and Imra, and Mike. Guys, this is Lena.”

There’s a chorus of hello’s and a place for Lena turns up on one of the couches, and Alex hands her a glass of wine and Kara tells her to grab some snacks if she wants.

They play some game she’s never heard of (not that _that’s_ a hard feat) that requires teams of 2 and Winn immediately picks her to be his partner. Lena’s not sure if she’s disappointed Kara doesn’t chose her, or glad that she’s not picked last.

Alex picks Lucy with a smirk, and James retaliates by picking Brainy. Nia claims Imra, leaving Mike and Kara together, which everyone groans about for some reason.

“They’re the reining champions, every time we let them be paired,” Winn explains.

“It’s your fault for not picking one of us to keep us from beating your asses,” Mike says with a smirk, holding out a hand for Kara to hi-five.

Winn ends up being right. Kara and Mike jibe off each other easily, leaving the rest of them in the dust. Lena doesn’t see rings (she’s looked, by now) but this must be Kara’s husband, or partner or whatever. The twisty feeling in her stomach is back. She tries to ignore it by focussing on the game, but it doesn’t matter anyway. Kara and Mike win easily.

They play several more games, where everyone seems determined to keep Kara and Mike from teaming up (an unnecessary exercise since the unofficial house rule is to keep switching up the teams every game, apparently), but Kara and Alex are just as much of a threat, it seems. Lena herself somehow never manages to be paired up with just Kara though, but that could be a good thing, she tries to reason. She’s not quite sure how she’d focus.

As the night starts to slow, Eliza comes back into the living room. “It’s snowing pretty hard out there, and the roads aren’t great, so I’ve made up some beds in the basement, and the guest rooms are ready to go for anyone who’d like to stay. Otherwise, I’d recommend heading out.”

Nia and Brainy decide to take off, since they both have obligations early tomorrow. The rest appear to be planning to stay, but Lena stands too, taking her leave.

Kara helps her gather her things. “You sure? You’re more than welcome to stay. We have plenty of room.”

“Thanks, Kara, but I should go. I’ll be fine,” Lena forces herself to say.

Kara nods, her face twisting uncertainly. “Ok. Um, drive slow. And, uh, text me when you get home? You still have my number? It hasn’t changed.”

Lena does, but hers has changed so she pretends she doesn’t and has Kara text her while she puts on her boots and coat.

“How long are you in town?” Kara asks, after what looks like some internal struggle.

“Probably through the first of the year. I have the house I’m staying at through the 5th, and am taking a little vacation time between the holidays.”

Kara brightens a little. “Would you like to get coffee sometime this next week? Catch up?”

Lena hears Mike laugh in the next room at something Winn says, and she should say no, but she’s nothing if not self-sabotaging.

She says yes.

* * *

“Sam, what the hell do I do?”

Lena can hear the eye roll through the phone as Sam sighs. “You could always cancel.”

Groaning, Lena flops down on the couch. “That wouldn’t be weird? I could say some work thing came up, right? That I had to go back to the city early?”

“Yeah. But then if you run into her again you’d have to explain and that would be more awkward.”

“I could _actually_ come home,” Lena says, though Metropolis is feeling like less and less of her real home as the minutes pass, despite the impossibility of ever really being close to Kara again.

“Don’t you dare,” Sam orders. “You deserve this vacation. You’re not done there yet. And if we don’t get to fly out for New Years, Ruby will have a fit, and then you’ll be the worst Aunt/Godmother in existence, and you don’t want that on your conscience, do you?”

Lena groans. “You’re not helping.”

“Go get coffee with her, Lena. You clearly want to.”

“Sam. No. I…”

“This is the one, right? The girl you’re still hung up on from college?”

Lena feels the blood drain from her face. “Wh—what? Who—how, no, Sam, what?”

Sam laughs, though it’s more out of pity than anything. “Lena, honey. Remember two years ago after you broke up with that one really intense girl, Veronica, I think her name was? And we went out and you got super drunk and told me all about your best friend from college?”

Lena has a vague recollection. “…no.”

“And you literally could not stop talking about this girl. You never said her name but it was very clear that you still cared for her a lot. That you would drop everything if you could to get her back, but you were sure she’d moved on, because of how perfect she was and how anyone would be a fool not to want her.”

“She did move on,” Lena interjects, but Sam’s not done, apparently.

“And despite all my protests before and since, you still somehow think you’re not worth her love, or anyone else’s, which is ridiculous, by the way, and somehow manage to sabotage every relationship you have because of it.”

“Sam, she has a husband, or at least a partner and a kid.”

“Did she tell you that?” Sam’s well aware of Lena’s ability to jump to conclusions.

“No, but I met them.”

“She introduced you?” There is a little bit of apprehension creeping into Sam’s tone.

“Well, they were there, at game night. I mean, she never said Astrid was her daughter, but she looks just like her, and she and Mike were super close and good at playing games together.”

Sam sighs. “How did she introduce him?”

“”Lena, this is Mike.””

“She never said boyfriend, or husband, or partner, or anything like that?”

“Why is it so hard for you to believe that she’s with someone?”

“Because, Lena.” Sam takes a deep breath. “She dropped a jar of spaghetti sauce the moment she saw you. And then she instantly invited you to her her holiday game night with close friends and family, despite not having spoken to you for over six years. People who have moved on completely don’t usually do that. They say hello, pretend like they’re interested in catching up, and then let you go about your life.”

“Kara’s not like other people.”

“Kara, huh?” Sam asks, a smile in her voice.

Lena groans. “She makes friends with everyone. She’d invite her waiter over for games if she got wind that they had no plans and needed a friend.”

“You need a friend.”

“Sam.”

“What? You do. I’m your only friend. Don’t argue with me, it’s true. Jack doesn’t count. Besides, we’re not there until the 29th, so you need someone to hang out with so you don’t do work the whole time. Go. Get coffee. Catch up. If she is with this Mike guy, then you’ll have a friend. If not, who knows?”

Lena doesn’t know how to argue.

* * *

They meet up for coffee three days after game night, and Lena so on edge she orders decaf, even though she never orders decaf. Kara is bright and sunny, all smiles and chatter, exactly the way Lena remembers her. There is no question as to how she wormed her way into Lena’s life back at school.

Kara tells her about her job in National City as a reporter, about her life there with her friends, about how Alex is working for the FBI and loves it and is _really good at it, Lena,_ and about finishing her masters, and for a few minutes it’s like nothing has changed.

But everything has changed, because Lena’s a Luthor now.

She tells Kara about her job, leaving out the name of the company and her position as CEO. She tells Kara about Sam and Ruby, her goddaughter and the coolest kid she knows. She tells her about some new ideas she has for inventions and expanding the company in a meaningful way.

They don’t talk about families or partners or dating or _Mike._ Lena doesn’t ask. As much as she wants to know and get it out of the way, she also doesn’t want to. She figures it will come up eventually, Kara will want to show off her daughter or take about how she met Mike, but it never does. It’s as if she’s avoiding the subject too.

Lena’s not sure if that’s a good thing.

“So, you’re here through New Years?” Kara asks eventually.

Lena nods. “Yes. Sam thought it would be a good idea since it will be harder for me to work if I’m out of the office.”

Kara shakes her head fondly. “I see that workaholic attitude hasn’t changed any.”

Lena smiles, despite herself. “I suppose not.”

“Well, what are you doing for Christmas, then? You said your friend and her daughter aren’t coming until the end of the year.”

“Oh, I’ll probably just watch some movies or read some books and relax.”

Kara’s jaw drops. “You can’t spend Christmas alone!”

“Kara…” Lena knows what’s coming, but she’s powerless to stop it.

“Come spend it with us! There’s always room for one more. Seriously. You have to come. Eliza makes the best food, which you should know. She’s going to fry up all the Hanukkah classics.And the pie! You remember, chocolate pecan, the best pie in the world!”

“I couldn’t possibly impose.”

Kara rolls her eyes. “You’re not imposing. You of all people could never impose. Besides, Mike and Imra and Winn will be there, and we only really celebrate Christmas because of them, and to honor Jeremiah's memory. Christmas Day is just as much for friends as it is for family in our house, you know. We’ll be doing all the Hanukkah stuff too, and you don’t want to miss the that.”

It’s alarmingly easy for Lena to cave.

As soon as she says, “ok,” Kara squeals and clasps her hands together.

“We’ll eat the big meal around 2 or 2:30. You can come over any time before that. Oh, do you want to go pick out a Christmas tree with me and Alex and Astrid tomorrow?”

The distinct lack of Mike in that party make the “yes,” spill from Lena’s mouth far too easily.

“Cool! We can pick you up, if you want.”

“Sure,” Lena says, and gives her the address.

Kara hugs her goodbye, and Lena wishes she could hold on forever.

* * *

_“I’m sorry, Kara. I just have to go.”_

_“Go where? You’re being awfully cagey, Lena. It’s not like you.”_

_Kara’s arms are wrapped tightly around her own waist as she stands in Lena’s kitchen and watches her pack up her dishes. Lionel had said they could send someone to do it, but Lena can’t sit still until her flight tomorrow. She needs something to do._

_“Something came up. In Metropolis. I…have to go.”_

_She doesn’t know how to tell Kara about Lionel, or Lex, or being a Luthor. She doesn’t know how to tell her she’s been keeping this massive secret the whole time they’ve been friends. She knows Kara won’t care, particularly, but she feels like she’s struggling to keep her head above water, and if she says the words, she’ll lose control and drown._

_“Like…a job offer?” Kara asks, trying to understand._

_“N—yes. Something like that.”_

_“I didn’t know you were applying to anything in Metropolis.” Kara doesn’t sound hurt, particularly, just confused._

_Lena clears her throat. “I didn’t. But, uh, something came up. I got an offer. A huge, life changing offer. I can’t…I can’t really talk about it right now.”_

_“Ok. That’s…ok. But, you’ll call me? When you get there?”_

_“I…” Lena can’t think past the next ten minutes, let alone about what’s going to happen to them when she gets there. “Yeah. I’ll call you.”_

_“Ok.” Kara takes a deep breath. “Ok. Well, I lo…I have to go. I’ll talk to you later?”_

_Lena nods. Kara gives her a quick, stilted hug and leaves._

_Lena’s pretty sure she takes her heart with her._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor edits have been made to chapter 1, just fyi.

Kara, Alex and Astrid pick her up at 10 am the next day. Astrid’s in the back, bouncing in her car seat and singing, “Christmas tree! Christmas tree! We’re getting a Christmas tree!” over and over to no particular tune.Kara’s sitting with her, so Lena climbs in the front next to Alex, who gives her a tight smile.

Lena nervously smiles back, but they’re on their way and Astrid is keeping a running commentary about how they’re going to find the _bestest tree ever_ , and Lena takes a deep breath, determined to enjoy herself.

The Christmas tree farm is exactly as idyllic as Lena imagined, with rows and rows of evergreen trees and dozens of families picking out the perfect one. There’s even a little shop with a bakery and cafe to get cocoa and cider after, and a sledding hill.

As soon as they step through the gates, Astrid takes off running with Kara chasing after her and laughing and shouting instructions. Lena walks beside Alex awkwardly as they move through the rows of trees, trying to ignore the pull in her chest. They’re both quiet for a long time, until Alex turns to her and drops the bomb.

“So. Luthor, huh?”

Lena turns sharply to the older Danvers’ sister and Alex smirks at her.

“I kept tabs on you, you know.”

“Isn’t that… isn’t it illegal for you to use FBI resources for personal matters?” Lena asks. She doesn’t know how else to respond.

“Who says I used FBI resources? You’re all over the internet, Lena.”

Lena clears her throat. “Right.” Her head drops, and she bits her lip a little, willing herself to keep moving forward and not turn around and run.

Alex’s warm hand on her arm surprises her. “I didn’t tell her. I never told her anything that I found out. And yeah, you’re all over the internet, but only if you’re looking, like I was, because I was curious. If she knows, she found out on her own somehow, but I don’t think she does.”

“Oh,” Lena says. She’s not sure if she’s relieved or disappointed.

“You’ve done good work over the last several years, Lena. She’d be proud to know how you put that big brain of yours to good use. But you should tell her why you really left.”

Lena looks up to see Kara swinging Astrid into the air. They’re both laughing.

“She’s moved on,” she says.

Alex gives her a funny look. “Maybe. But you were still her best friend, Lena.”

“Kara is best friends with everybody. And I know I’m the one that left, but if that were really true, why hasn’t she tried to contact me all this time? Why wouldn’t she have looked me up?” Lena’s aware how childish she sounds. She shoots Alex a wry smile. “Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t expect her to. I know why she wouldn’t, but forgive me if I have a hard time believing that Kara could still care for me in that way.”

Alex lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Lena, Kara might be best friends with everybody, sure, but you two had a different bond. A stronger bond. Believe me, she’d take you back into that position in a heartbeat, given the opportunity. And this might be your opportunity, if you want it.”

Lena doesn’t have a chance to reply, because Astrid’s barreling toward them full force, yelling, “We FOUND IT!”

With an “oof,” Alex catches the bouncing bundle of little girl and swings her up. “Ok, kiddo. Let’s go see.”

It’s Lena’s job to keep Astrid out of the way while Kara and Alex cut down the tree (a thankful distraction from how good Kara looks wielding that saw, despite the winter coat hiding her muscles). Lena puts her hands on the wiggling little girls shoulders and ignores the unmistakable longing in her chest.

Astrid gets bored halfway through, turning around to tug on Lena’s coat sleeve. Lena picks her up without a second though, and Astrid starts rambling about the ornaments she made with her Mama last week. Lena tells her about the time she made a Christmas tree out of beakers from the lab, and catches Kara grinning up at her.

After they have the tree cut down, paid for, and loaded on top of the car, they stop in the little shop for cocoa and cookies. Astrid has fully warmed up to Lena now (not that she had been overly shy before).

She asks dozens of questions: where Lena lives, if Metropolis is like National City at all (which is where she lives, she states proudly), what is her job like, if there are a lot of parks, what her favorite color is, and if she has a dog. She responds to Lena’s negative to the last question with a sigh. “Mama says we have to wait a few more years until we can get one,” she bemoans. “I was hoping you would so I could come visit.”

“Metropolis is quite a ways away,” Lena tells her, and she shrugs, taking a bite of her cookie.

“Uncle Clark lives there. We could visit him too.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Kara reminds her, and sends Lena a soft smile over Astrid’s head.

Lena kind of feels like crying, but she forces herself to smile back.

* * *

“Can we go sledding? Please Mama?” Astrid begs, turning back toward the three of them as she skips ahead toward the car. Kara laughs delightedly.

“Alex, come on, what do you say? We have time for a few runs?”

Alex shrugs, smiling a little. “Sure, why not. It’s still early.”

Both Kara and Astrid do matching fist-pumps and exclaim: “yes!” at the same time. It’s adorable and makes Lena’s heart sink. She’d nearly forgotten their relation, and what that meant for her as an intruder into this little family life.

She’s about to excuse herself, claim that she needs to make a phone call or answer a few emails and head back to the cafe, but Kara grabs her hand.

“Come on, Lena. I bet you haven’t been sledding since I made you last time you were here.”

Lena would protest, but it’s technically true. She’s sure Kara remembers that she hadn’t even been much as a child, since she was usually too busy pushing herself in her studies to go out and play like a normal child, much to her mother’s chagrin.

Rolling her eyes, she lets Kara drag her toward the little shed with sleds piled up. A few kids are running up and down the hill and Astrid grabs a small round sled, looking back at Alex briefly.

“Be careful,” is all Alex says, before the little girl is off. With a grin, Alex grabs a round sled of her own and follows.

Kara grabs a toboggan style sled and plops it down, sits on the back, and looks at Lena expectantly.

“I don’t want the front,” she says, balking. She hasn’t been sledding in years, and from what little she remembers, the front is scary with Kara behind her, going fast.

“You have to steer if you’re in back,” Kara reminds her.

Lena swallows and sits.

And then Kara’s scootching in behind her, pressed as closely as their winter wrappings will allow, her arms snug around Lena’s waist and Lena can feel her heart in her throat.

“Wait, Kara, I’m not…”

“Hold on!” Kara shouts, and they’re off.

Lena tries very hard not to scream. But then Kara’s head is tucking in close to her neck and she says, just loud enough for Lena to hear: “I’ve got you, it’s ok,” and Lena feels the tightness in her chest ease and they’re going _so_ fast, but Kara’s arms are warm and tight, and she’s solid and real at Lena’s back, and somehow, Lena starts to have fun.

She even laughs in delight as they go over a tiny bump, not enough to launch them into the air, but enough that her stomach swoops and Kara’s arms tighten around her even more and Lena feels freer than she has in years.

The slide to the bottom of the hill and tumble off the sled, laughing.

“Again?” Kara asks and Lena’s nodding before she has a chance to really think about it. She feels like a kid again, a _real_ kid, in the magic way that Kara always managed to make her feel young and wild and free.

They tromp to the top of the hill and are about to situate themselves for another run when Astrid comes running over.

“My turn! My turn!”

“Ok, kiddo,” Kara says, throwing Lena an apologetic look. Lena steps back, reality rushing back in.

“No,” Astrid says. “I wanna go with Lena.”

“Oh.” Lena looks from the little girl to Kara and back again. “O-ok.”

“You don’t have to,” Kara says to her softly, but Lena takes the rope from Kara’s hands and situates herself for Astrid to sit in her lap.

“Hold on tight,” she instructs the girl, who leans back into her and giggles. Lena feels a pang of sorrow or jealousy or something unidentifiable _,_ but shoves it aside, pulling Astrid close and pushing off down the hill.

It’s different, riding down the hill with a little girl snug in her lap, laughing and shrieking with joy. Lena feels a pull of desire, a _want_ for this life, a feeling she’d forgotten entirely about over the last several years, despite Ruby. It’s different, with a four year old.

They get to the bottom of the hill laughing and Astrid jumps up, already running up the hill. “Again, again!”

She’s already gearing up for another run when the reach the top, but Kara puts a hand on her shoulder. “We should get home kiddo, if we want to decorate cookies _and_ the tree tonight.”

“Can Lena come?”

Kara brightens, turning toward her. “Yeah, you should totally come bake cookies with us!”

“Uh…” Lena says, because there isno other way to respond to Kara’s hopeful face.

Alex claps a hand on her back as she walks past, dragging the sleds to their shed. “You should just say yes now, because they’re not going to let it go.”

So, against her better judgement, Lena says yes.

* * *

_“Oh! I’m so sorry!”_

_Lena grabs the arm of the girl who has just run into her, steadying them both. Luckily, neither of their coffee spilled, and she opens her mouth to say that it’s fine when the girl gasps._

_“Wow. Advanced computer science_ and _biochemical engineering?”_

_She points at Lena’s textbooks, eyes wide behind her glasses. Lena smiles._

_“The biochem is just for fun.”_

_The woman blinks, studying the books. “Aren’t those both for doctorate level classes?”_

_She looks thoroughly stunned and Lena’s smile only grows. “Yes.”_

_“Gosh.” The girl shakes her head a little, her curly blonde ponytail bouncing. “You must be really smart.”_

_“I guess so,” Lena says, realizing she’s still holding the girl’s arm. She drops it awkwardly and takes a step back._

_“So. You could probably help me with my chemistry homework then?” The girl asks, but her eyebrow wiggle tells Lena she’s teasing._

_Lena offers a little shrug. “I might be able to be persuaded. What’s in it for me?”_

_The girl is clearly not expecting that, because she falters for a moment. “Uh. Lifelong friendship and loyalty of one Kara Danvers?”_

_“Kara,” Lena responds. “I’m assuming that’s you?”_

_Kara grins. “Yup. And you are?”_

_“Lena. Lena Kieran.”_

_Kara holds out her hand. “Nice to meet you, Lena. And you don’t really have to help me with my homework, it’s a pass/fail class for non-majors. I would still be your friend though, if you wanted.”_

_“Oh.” Lena’s taken a bit aback. She doesn’t have a lot of friends, on account of having to study so much. Of_ wanting _to study so much. “I’m pretty busy most of the time.” She taps her textbook as an explanation and an apology._

_Kara’s face falls. “Oh. Right. Ok. Well…”_

_She’s going to walk away, and suddenly Lena can’t have that. “I just mean that I probably wouldn’t be a very good friend, not that I don’t want to be.”_

_Kara brightens instantly. “That’s ok! We can study together! Or, hang out while you study. I promise not to distract you too much. If you want. I mean, you probably already have other friends your age and level, or whatever, if you’re a grad student.”_

_Kara’s pulling back again, and Lena shakes her head. “I don’t.” She realizes how sad that sound and backpedals. “I mean, I don’t have any really close friends that I hang out with regularly, that live here, anyway, and I’m younger than most grad students. So if you wanted to hang out we could. I would be ok with that.”_

_“Cool!” Kara’s smiling again._

_She gets Kara’s number and within hours, Kara’s texting her and asking her to hang out._

_Lena falls very quickly._

_Kara’s a junior at Boston University, studying communications. She wants to be a journalist, eventually. She’s funny and smart and open. She doesn’t seem to care that Lena’s miles ahead of her in their studies, getting her PhD at MIT already even though Kara’s 6 months older, and calls the kids that made fun of Lena in high school “boneheads” for not realizing how great she is._

_She introduces Lena to her friend Winn, who’s also at MIT, but still getting his undergrad. Their schedules don’t line up often, so she rarely sees him, but she likes him too, and she even likes Kara’s older sister who visits on occasion, even though she’s gruff and protective. Maybe_ especially _because she’s gruff and protective._

_She fits easily into their little family, and even goes home with Kara a few times for breaks. With Kara, Lena can forget that she’s a Luthor, forget that she’s an oddball genius that everybody seems intimidated by, forget how much she misses her mother, forget how all through high school and college and her masters she felt so out of place, not like a real human half the time, but more like a science experiment to be studied by fellow students and professors that eyed her warily because of her young age. With Kara, she can just be Lena._

_With Kara, she’s home._

* * *

Eliza’s pulling the last batch of cookies out of the oven when they arrive. Alex and Kara set the tree up in the living room, and then Kara takes Lena down to the basement to bring up the lights and ornaments.

“Where’s Mike?” She asks, not out of any particular curiosity, bu simply because she’s noted that the man is suspiciously absent.

Kara gives her a slightly confused look and shrugs, handing her a box of ornaments marked “fragile”.

“Oh, I think he and Winn and maybe Brainy are getting drinks tonight. You know, bro time.”

“Sure,” Lena says, following Kara back up the stairs. It seems odd that Kara wouldn’t know what his exact plans were if he was out missing cookie and tree decorating both, but far be it from her to judge other people’s relationships.

Alex and Lena are on light duty, while Kara and Astrid sort the ornaments. Most of the other holiday decorations are already up, including a menorah that they’ve already been lighting each night, and Lena wonders why they waited so long for the tree.

Once the lights are on they start to distribute ornaments, all taking turns scattering them about and pointing out good places for Astrid. The little girl delights in the whole process so much she’s practically vibrating, especially when Kara lifts her up to put some on the higher branches.

Eliza gets to come out and put on the topper—a Star of David—and then Alex lights it up.

Astrid squeals with delight and throws herself into Lena’s lap.

“I love Chrismakkuh,” she says and they all laugh.

Eliza’s prepared a warm, hearty soup with bread and salad, which they all eat around the smaller kitchen table, and Lena starts to forget Mike even exists.

“Do you remember that one time you were doing some crazy experiment in the lab and I brought you lunch and you almost added soda to whatever concoction you were mixing up?” Kara asks with a grin, and Lena smiles back impishly.

“Not as bad as the time I brought you coffee when you were painting and you almost drank your paint water instead.”

“Hey, that happens to a lot of artists!” Kara protests, but they all laugh.

“What does paint water taste like, Mama?” Astrid asks.

Kara huffs. Alex laughs. “Not good, I imagine.”

It’s easy, this banter that they fall back into. Lena feels warming happy, and it has nothing to do with the schnapps that Alex adds to her hot cocoa with a wink.

They decorate all sorts of cookies that Eliza spent the afternoon baking, ones shaped like candy canes and Christmas trees and dreidels and angels and stars. Kara dots frosting on Astrids nose to make the little girl giggle, and Astrid insists on sitting in Lena’s lap half the time “helping” her. Lena, of course, lets her make most of the creative decisions, always encouraging her to add more sprinkles before declaring it “done”.

It’s the most fun she’s had in years. Astrid declares Lena the “best cookie froster ever,” and herself the “best decorator ever,” stating that they make the “bestest team _ever_ ,” and Kara can’t stop grinning at the pair of them. It makes Lena hot and cold all at once. 

After cookies, Alex cleans up the kitchen while Eliza, Kara, Lena and Astrid start a puzzle in the living room. Alex has just joined them when Astrid starts to yawn.

“I’m sleepy,” she tells Kara.

“Oh you are, are you?” Kara asks. “That never happens.”

“Yuh-huh,” Astrid protests, pouting, as Kara lifts her onto her lap.

“Not without a lot of protesting and bribing,” Kara grins, mostly at Lena and Alex. “Let me guess, you want a bedtime story and lots of cuddles?”

Astrid nods. “Yeah, ’cept _two_ stories.”

“Hmmm. I don’t know…”

“Please?”

Lena knows if it were her, she’d be caving instantly at that little pout, and Kara seems pretty powerless herself.

“This is all your fault,” she says to Alex, who holds up her hands.

“She inherited the pout from you. Don’t blame me. I’m just glad you’re finally getting some payback.”

“Say goodnight to everyone,” Kara tells Astrid, rolling her eyes at Alex. Astrid has kisses for everyone, even Lena, and then she’s heading up the stairs with Kara. It’s both relief and torture to watch them go.

“Need a ride home, Lena?” Alex asks.

“You can stay the night, if you like,” Eliza offers. “We have plenty of room.”

“I should go,” Lena says, not sure how she’d be able to handle soft, sleepy, morning Kara.

“I’ll drive you,” Alex says.

She’s sure Alex will chastise her for flirting with Kara, because she’s surly picked up on it even if Kara hadn’t, even if Lena hadn’t _meant_ to, but Alex says nothing. They listen to a station that’s playing all Christmas music and don’t really talk until they get to Lena’s rented house.

“It’s good to have you around again, Lena,” is all Alex says.

Lena doesn’t know how to respond.

* * *

_She’s just opened her second bottle of cheap red wine when a knock comes at the door. Lena almost doesn’t answer it. Pouring herself another glass, she takes a large swig, wincing at the taste, and sets it on the counter as she goes to tell whoever it is to go away._

_She graduates tomorrow and moves next week and Kara has barely talked to her since they kissed, 13 days ago._

_Not that Lena’s counting._

_Just as she gets there, the knock comes again, and she can faintly hear a voice on the other side. “Lena?”_

_Lena freezes, hand on the knob. It’s Kara. She gnaws her lip, suddenly nervous. What the hell does she say to her best friend, whom she kissed, and who absolutely doesn’t feel the same way?_

_“Lena, I know you’re in there. Can we talk?”_

_Kara sounds funny, like she’s nervous or scared. Lena opens the door._

_“Hey.”_

_“Hey.”_

_“Is, uh, is everything ok?”_

_Kara wrings her hands together. “I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”_

_Lena nods and steps aside. It’s probably a terrible idea, but she’s powerless against Kara. She always has been. “Would you like some wine?”_

_“Um.” Kara glances around the apartment like she’s seeing it for the first time. “Sure. Yeah. That would be good.”_

_Lena pours her a glass and picks up her own, moving to the living room to sit down. Kara takes a big gulp of wine, following her to sit on the other end of the couch._

_“How, um, how have you been?” She asks, then winces. “I mean…”_

_Lena saves her from herself. “Well, I defended my thesis and am graduating tomorrow, so things are pretty good.”_

_“Yeah. That’s awesome.” Kara smiles at her. “I’m so proud of you. I mean, I knew you could do it, I never had any doubts or anything, but, I’m still proud of you, and so happy that you made it and…”_

_She’s starting to ramble, nervously fiddling with her glasses._

_Lena saves her again, leaning forward to put a hand on her knee. “Thanks, Kara. That means a lot.”_

_Kara sucks in a breath as soon as Lena touches her. She stares at the hand and Lena nervously starts to remove it, but then Kara grabs it with one of her own. she keeps her eyes on their joined fingers for a long moment before looking up slowly to meet Lena’s gaze._

_“I lied to you,” she whispers._

_Lena’s heart thuds in her chest. “What?” she manages, though she’s pretty sure she knows what Kara’s saying._

_Kara takes a deep breath. “When you kissed me. I told you I didn’t feel the same way and I lied. I mean, I didn’t know I was lying, but I was. I did.”_

_“Oh,” Lena says, eloquently._

_“I didn’t realize how I felt,” Kara is saying. “Not until you kissed me, and then I got scared because of how it would change us. But I think I want it to change us. Because I like you so much, Lena, and not just as my best friend. When I think about what I want my life to be, in the future, I want you there. I want to get an apartment with you and come home to you and rub your feet after a long day and cook romantic meals with you and take you home as my girlfriend and…”_

_Lena leans forward and cuts her off, pressing their lips together._

_It’s impossibly different than their first kiss, where Kara had frozen and pulled back a moment later in shock. This time, she melds into Lena, shifting forward and kissing her back with fervor, swiping her tongue out and pressing her free hand to the back of Lena’s neck._

_Lena moans into the kiss, and has to work to keep from dropping her wine glass as she pulls Kara closer._

_Somehow, she ends up in Kara’s lap. At one point, Kara carefully takes both glasses of wine and sets them on the coffee table, even as she kisses down Lena’s neck. Lena even gropes her a little, right there on the couch before Kara flips her onto her back and presses a knee in between her legs, hands moving restlessly over her sides and back. She grinds down onto Kara’s thigh, groaning into Kara’s mouth, and Kara breaks away with a little laugh._

_“Not that I don’t love where this is going,” she says breathlessly, “but maybe we should talk first?”_

_She sits back a little, and Lena sits up with her, hooking an arm around her neck. She presses a kiss to Kara’s mouth, then her jaw, then her pulse point, sucking lightly. “I think we can talk after, Kara.”_

_Kara gasps as Lena nips at her skin. “Yeah. Ok. Good. After.”_

_Lena runs her free hand up the outside of Kara’s thigh, gripping her hip for a moment as she kisses her deeply before sliding her fingers around to Kara’s ass. “I believe you know where the bedroom is,” she says._

_Kara lifts her up in one fluid motion, not breaking their kiss. She holds Lena easily, and while Lena knows that she goes to the gym every day, this display of strength has her blood pumping as she wraps her legs around Kara’s waist._

_They never do get around to talking._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, friends! Let me know what you think so far :)


	3. Chapter 3

Kara is flirting with her.

Lena had arrived at 1:15 on Christmas Day and was bustled in with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Kara takes her coat, hip checks her toward the kitchen, and sock slides down the hall after her a few moments later, wrapping her arms around her from behind.

“I’m so glad you came,” she tells her as Eliza greets her, waves off her offer to help (“Alex and Jonn have it covered, thanks Lena.”) and offers her something to drink. Kara’s bouncing on her toes, apparently already having had a glass of mulled wine herself, but Lena opts for tea to start.

They move into the living room, Kara grabbing her by the hand and dragging her along, where Winn, Imra, Mike, and Astrid greet them. Astrid bounces up to hug Lena’s knees before returning to building her new Lego set with Mike.

It’s not the first Christmas Lena’s spent at the Danvers’. That last year, just before graduation, she’d been invited along. Winn had been there, and it had been small and she’d had work to get ahead in and only stayed two days, but it was the happiest she’d been for the holidays since her mother died.

Today is no different. She’s accepted into the group as if she’s always been there. Kara’s friends are easy to chat with, and Lena feels herself relaxing, despite Kara’s flirting.

Winn asks her about her work, and she tells him a little bit about the project she was just looking over this morning. Kara teases her about never being able to stop her brain from working, even on what’s “ _supposed to be a holiday, Lena,”_ and Lena flushes, glancing over at Mike.

He either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, and she’s not sure which is worse.

Imra asks her about the art scene in Metropolis, and Lena tells her about the collaborative program Jack and Sam are trying to develop with the kids science center.

“We’ll have to take Astrid. I’m trying to get her to be more excited about math and science to round out her interests, but she mostly just loves finger painting,” Kara giggles, listing against Lena. Lean takes her glass of wine and hands Kara her tea. Kara rolls her eyes, but takes a sip.

“I’ve heard there are quite a few art museums in the area too, dedicated to all different styles,” Imra says and Lena nods.

“They recently expanded a wing of the Contemporary Center for Fine Arts, but I haven’t had a chance to check it out yet.”

“Lena’s too busy solving the mystery of the universe to go look at boring art,” Kara says, bumping into her again, playfully.

“Just because it’s not my area of expertise doesn’t mean art isn’t vital to the mystery of the universe, Kara,” she says, trying not to blush and Kara scrunches her nose and leans toward her a bit, smiling.

“Oh yeah? When was the last time you voluntarily sought art out, then?”

Lena thinks that’s rather unfair: Kara knows that she used to love art, but then her mother died and took most of the joy out of it—at least until Kara started dragging her to exhibits Kara’s senior year.

“I went with Sam and Ruby to the Art Fair in August,” she says.

Kara looks at her with comically wide eyes. “August. Wow. I was wrong, you’re all _over_ that art scene.”

Lena rolls her eyes, and Imra laughs. “I’m sorry. I’m just interested in art and art history myself, and can’t imagine that other people aren’t as well versed as I am, especially when they’ve lived in one place for so long.”

Lena looks at her quizzically and she rushes to explain. “Kara said you moved to Metropolis right after you graduated almost seven years ago.”

Lena raises an eyebrow at Kara who blushes slightly. “Well, you did.” She rolls her eyes playfully. Lena tries not to think about the implications of Kara telling all her friends about where she’s been all this time.

Winn plops down on the couch on the other side of Lena. “Tell us more about the small town innovation program you’re starting.”

Lena launches into her spiel, trying desperately not to be distracted by the way Kara grabs at her every few minutes, excited about something she says. They all ask her follow up questions, but Kara’s are the silliest, as if she’s trying to get a rise out of Lena.

It’s a relief when they’re called in to eat. At least until Kara, who pointedly sits next to Lena, keeps bumping their feet together under the table, or referencing something they did together in Boston all those years ago, or leaning in close to make a joke, half of which are inside jokes from years ago that still make Lena laugh.

Lena keeps her wine glass very full. It doesn’t really help.

After the meal, she insists on doing the dishes so Eliza can join the party. Kara stays in the kitchen to help dry while there rest of the group moves to the living room where the boys start a Mario Kart race-off.

“You know,” Kara says, “You could bring your friends here for New Years, if you want. Winn and James have to be back in the city by then, but the rest of us will be here.”

Lena doesn’t answer right away, trying to imagine Sam and Ruby with this group. It’s surprisingly easy, even as it makes her heart pound.

“Unless you already have plans!” Kara rushes to amend. “I mean, of course you already have plans. Sorry, I just thought, the more the merrier, you know? But I’m sure you just want to spend time with them….”

“Kara.” Lena holds out a hand to stop her, halting before she gets soapy water all over Kara’s arm. She smiles. “I’ll ask them.”

“Oh. Ok. Cool.” Kara grins at her, and Lena knows that she’s going to beg Sam to come, her own poor heart be damned.

They play games and Astrid shows off her new toys. They eat cookies and babka, and drink cocoa and mulled wine all afternoon and into the evening. Lena beats Winn easily at chess, but Brainy puts up a bit of a challenge afterward, impressing Lena and Nia, by the looks of it. She manages to eek out a win, and they strike up a conversation when the pieces are put away, as everyone else is busy playing other things.

Brainy is bright and sharp, and Lena finds herself relaxing as they chat, even though she’s switched back over to hot cider instead of the mulled wine. He’s a bit awkward, socially, but he’s nearly as smart as Lena herself once she breaks through his stilted shell. He and Nia spent the morning with Nia’s family, but are back here for the evening festivities, and Lena doesn’t feels like too much of an intruder on the family dynamic with them and Winn and Imra around.

A cheer erupts on the other side of the room, and they both look up to see Kara and Mike engaged in a game where they try to toss popcorn into the other’s mouth. Lena feels a flash of jealousy as she watches, while Brainy, Nia, Alex, Imra, and Winn all cheer the pair on, oblivious to her pain.

“My turn, my turn!” Astrid shouts, jumping up, and Kara steadies her with hands on her shoulders as Mike tosses some popcorn for the little girl. She catches it and they all go wild. She tries to toss some back to him, but only succeeds when Kara takes her hand to help her throw it high enough.

Lena feels sick.

Taking her mug, she slips out to the back porch. It’s not too cold tonight, just enough that there was a fluffy snowfall earlier, but the clouds have cleared and she can see stars. Leaning on the railing, she lets out a long breath and tries not to cry.

Talking with Imra and Brainy had distracted her for a while, but now she feels awful again, unsure why she thought it was a good idea to come here at all. She doesn’t belong, and she never will. Not like she wants to, anyway. She wraps her hand around her mug tightly and closes her eyes, trying to slow her breathing. Just a few more hours, and she can leave this place, this _want,_ forever.

Something soft and heavy sets gently on her shoulders and Lena starts, turning to see Kara placing a blanket around her shoulders.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, but you looked a little cold.”

“Thanks.”

“You ok? I know we can get kind of intense in there.”

Lena smiles, looking down. Damn Kara and her ever present need to make sure everyone had everything they needed. “Yeah. Just needed a little air.”

“Sure.”

She thinks Kara might leave, but she doesn’t. She just stays there, leaning on her elbows next to Lena, looking out at the stars, and it feels so nice that Lena can’t bring herself to ask Kara to leave.

She doesn’t _want_ her to leave. Not really.

They stand in silence for a long time, and Lena’s just about to turn to go inside when Kara speaks: “I hope someday you’ll tell me why you left.”

She sounds sad, just a little. But there’s no judgement or blame in her tone. Lena scratches at the mug with her thumbnail.

“Someday,” she whispers. “I promise.” She wants very much for it not to be a lie.

Kara moves closer bumping their shoulders together gently. “Ok.”

Lena knows there’s no pressure as to when. She also knows that she owes Kara an explanation. She knows she should probably tell her now, come clean right here, even if that means having to tell Kara that she’s still in love with her and that’s why she stayed away.

They’re standing too close though, and Lena’s getting warm enough to not think straight. Her arm is pressed to Kara’s and when she turns Kara is looking at her so tenderly it breaks her heart. She should just move away, she should claim wanting more to drink even though she’s barely had a sip of her cider yet, should say something, anything, to keep from doing something stupid like let Kara lean in close enough to brush noses, her eyes fluttering closed.

And then Kara’s kissing her.

It’s soft and gentle and exactly as Lena remembers it. For a moment, she loses herself in it, in the warmth of Kara’s lips, the pressure of her hand on Lena’s arm, the swooping of her stomach, and everything feels good, and right, and perfect, except…

Lena jerks away, pushing back so fast she stumbles and almost falls over. Kara rears back as if slapped.

“Oh, gosh, Lena, I’m so sorry, I thought…”

“Kara, I can’t…”

“I didn’t even think to ask if…”

“…do that to him…”

“…you’re seeing someone or something…”

“It’s not fair to… wait.” Lena hods up a hand. Kara snaps her mouth shut with a click. “I’m not seeing anyone, Kara.”

“Oh.” Kara frowns, then her face falls. “Right. I get it. You don’t feel the same way anymore, Lena. I’m sorry. Can we just forget this happened?”

Lena lets out a tight breath. Her stomach clenches and she has to fight to keep tears from welling up. “Yes. But you should probably talk to Mike, especially if you think you’re having…feelings.” Her heart jumps a little at the word, even as she reminds herself it can’t happen, it shouldn’t happen ever again. Kara and Mike have a child and that needs to be first priority…

“Mike?” Kara asks, her face so adorably confused it takes all of Lena’s self control not to lean forward and kiss her again, despite herself.

Lena swallows. “Yes. You and he…” she waves a hand vaguely. “You should be honest with him. Hiding things like this from your partner is never a good idea.”

“From…” Kara lets out a little laugh, though it’s more out of confusion than humor. “From my partner? Wait.” She shakes her head, some of her joy returning. “You think Mike and I are together?”

“Um.” Lena hesitates. “Yes?”

Kara laughs again, pressing a hand to her mouth to stifle the sound. “Sorry. No. Sorry. Um, I mean, we dated for like five minutes about 4 years ago, but it didn’t work out and then he met Imra, and…”

“But what about Astrid?” Lena’s brain is struggling to catch up.

Kara’s back to being confused again. “Astrid?”

“She’s your… isn’t she your…” Lena’s starting to feel like she’s gotten it all wrong and isn’t sure if she’s more upset or happy or embarrassed.

“Astrid is Alex’s daughter,” Kara says slowly. “You thought she was mine?”

“She looks like you,” Lena says lamely. She’s feeling a little numb.

Kara laughs again, but it’s not malicious. “Yeah, we get that a lot, what with the blonde hair and blue eyes and all. It’s a lucky coincidence.”

Lena’s brain feels broken. “She _acts_ just like you. Wasn’t Astrid your aunt’s name?”

“My Aunt’s name was Astra. Alex adopted _Astrid_ three years ago. When she broke up with her girlfriend Maggie because she wanted kids and Maggie didn’t, she didn’t have much luck in the dating area and decided to just adopt on her own. Astrid’s parents were her coworkers and they died when she was just under a year old. Alex didn’t want her to have to go into the foster system, and since they didn’t have any other family that could take them, Alex did.”

Lena feels very, very silly. “Oh.”

Kara lets out a little huff of a laugh again, and Lena rushes to explain herself.

“I just… I’ve never heard her call you ‘Aunt Kara’ or Alex “mom”, at least not specifically enough to be only her. And all of you take care of her just as much as if she’s yours.”

“Yeah. I’ve been taking care of her a lot this past year while Alex transitions at work. And we all help out as much as possible, especially over the holidays. Winn and Mike and James are her favorite uncles, and they’re all great with her but i guess that probably didn’t confuse you any less. I don’t know how you haven’t heard her call any of us by name, though. Not even the day we got the tree?”

“No,” Lena says, stunned. “But you put her to bed.” She’s grasping at straws now. “That night, she asked you to put her to bed.”

Kara chuckles. “Like I said, I’ve been taking care of her a lot, so she treats Alex and me pretty similarly right now. Also, it’s probably more fun to have your cool aunt put you to bed instead of mom, when you get the chance.”

“Oh,” Lena says again. Her mind is spinning and she almost feels like she’s going to throw up. She’s glad she switched to cider or she probably would.

Kara takes a deep breath. “So. Does this mean… well,” she blushes and fiddles with her glasses. “Were those the only reasons you didn’t want me to kiss you? Because, well for a second there it kind of felt like you were kissing me back.”

Lena flushes and looks down at her hands. She doesn’t know how to answer.

“I, uh,” she starts, then stops. She’s having a lot of mixed emotions right now, and her brain is moving at a million miles a minute. Luckily, Kara seems to understand.

She takes Lena’s hand gently and gives it a small squeeze. “It’s ok, Lena. We can talk about it, if you want, but I don’t want to pressure you. It’s been a long time, and I realize you’ve probably moved on, but I had to try. It was my turn anyway, right?”

The joke lands a little flat, but Lena still smiles, remembering all those years ago when she kissed Kara first, and her best friend didn’t know how to react for two weeks.

“I think I maybe just need some time.”

“Yeah. Ok! Sure!” Kara nodes emphatically. “Take all the time you need.”

Pressing her lips softly to the side of Lena’s head, she leaves her standing there and returns to the party.

Lena sinks down onto the little bench and stays there for a long time, holding her mug of cider until it’s no longer warm, pulling the blanket around her tighter.

She doesn’t know how to feel. She’s warm and cold and her mind is reeling and Kara is _single._ Single, not a mom, and apparently into Lena still. She wonders if she’s dreaming.

The door ticks open and Lena doesn’t turn, expecting Kara, but Eliza’s the one that sits down next to her.

“You doing ok out here?”

Lena smiles at her, turning back to the stars. “Yeah. Just… thinking through some things.”

“I’m sure Kara’s already offered, but if you want to talk to someone that’s not her about whatever it is, I’m here.”

Lena smiles down at her cold cider. “Thanks.”

Eliza pats her on the shoulder and almost stands, but Lena stops her.

“Eliza, did Kara ever tell you what happened…after graduation?”

Eliza smiles softly at her. “Not much. You two had some sort of a falling out, from what I could gather, and she made it sound like you’d broken up even though none of us knew you were dating. She’s never confirmed it or not, but…”

“We weren’t,” Lena cuts in. “Not yet. But, we probably would have officially started if I hadn’t…” she lets out a sigh.

Eliza rubs her back gently. “Do you want to tell me what happened? I promise I won’t hold it against you, or Kara. And I won’t tell her I know if you don’t want me to.”

Lena takes a deep breath. She’s never told anyone this. Sam knows bits and pieces, and so does Jack, but no one knows the whole story, not even Kara. Squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, she lets out a rush of air, and decides to start at the beginning.

“I, uh, I kissed her. Two weeks before graduation.” Eliza doesn’t react, and Lena barrels forward. “I’d been…I’d been in love with her for, well _forever,_ and I took a chance. But it took her off guard, and she didn’t think she felt the same way. Or, well, she didn’t know. We didn’t fight, really, but I gave her a lot of space to figure it out and we didn’t talk much again until the night before the ceremony. She came to my apartment and kissed me back and we, well…” Lena trails off, blushing.

Eliza chuckles. “It’s ok, Lena. I know my daughters have sex lives. I don’t need details, but as a doctor and a mother and a woman myself, I know all about that sort of thing.”

“We slept together,” Lena says. She’s never even told Sam or Jack this part. It was too painful.

Eliza’s hand is moving gently up and down between her shoulder blades. “What happened after that?”

“I graduated. We were going to have lunch after to try and figure it all out, and then I got…I got a call from my father.”

Whatever Eliza’s expecting, it’s not this. Her hand stills just briefly, but enough for Lena to feel it. She knows, like the rest of them, that Lena’s father hadn’t been in the picture growing up. Her mother had received money from him, to raise Lena and keep her quiet about the affair, but he never came himself. None of them know about their arrangement after her 18th birthday, since Lena hadn’t decided how much she wanted the Luthors to be in her life going forward.

“Your father?” Eliza prompts when Lena falls silent.

“Yeah. Um. Lionel Luthor.” Lena twists her hands around the mug and thinks of the first time Lex approached her at 12 years old, without Lillan or Lionel knowing. _“I’m your big brother,”_ he’d said. _“You can call me Lex. Just Lex.”_ At the time, she hadn’t questioned his lack of a last name. When Lionel first called her, she’d been too overwhelmed to process it until years later. Until Lionel asked her to become a Luthor herself.

“Lionel Luthor.” Eliza lets out a low whistle.

“Yeah,” Lena barrels forward, not giving Eliza a chance to respond. “It turns out Lex, my brother, was arrested for embezzling money. And Lionel wanted me to come work for him in Lex’s place, and to be the father he’d always missed out on being for me.”

“He died a few years later, didn’t he?”

“Yes.” Lena sighs. “He was already sick when he contacted me. I was thrust in so quickly, and the corruption ran so deeply already. I didn’t want to drag Kara into it, to make her choose between me and going back to school or finding her dream job.”

“So you chose for her,” Eliza says, but she doesn’t sound mad.

“I chose for me,” Lena replies. “I didn’t know how to tell her, not really. I kind of just left. It was the right choice, I couldn’t have done what I did for the company without giving it 100% of my focus, but I still sort of regret it. I regret how I handled it, anyway. I’ve regretted it every day for the last six and a half years.”

Eliza wraps her arm around Lena’s shoulder and pulls her in for a hug. “You need to tell Kara, honey.”

Lena lets herself be hugged, leans into it even, but still shakes her head. “She deserves better than me.”

“I think she deserves to make that decision herself,” is Eliza’s reply. “And between me and you, Lena, I think you deserve good things too.”

Lena’s not going to cry. She’s not. Ok, maybe a little. But Eliza understands, holding her there for a few more minutes before taking her cold cider from her hands and telling her she’ll bring back some more, warmed up.

Eliza doesn’t come back, but Kara does.

“Hey.”

Lena takes the warm mug from her with a small smile. “Hey.”

Kara doesn’t sit, hovering anxiously for a moment instead. “Eliza said, um, well, she thought you might be ready to talk but I can go if you’re not.”

Reaching out, Lena takes her hand and give it a gentle tug. “Sit with me?”

Kara does. Lena keeps a hold of her hand but doesn’t look at her as she starts to talk.

She tells Kara about Lex, about meeting him for the first time, about analyzing his DNA to make sure he wasn’t lying. About confronting her mother, but never receiving the name of her father.

She tells Kara bout being contacted by Lionel when she was 18, about keeping it a secret because she didn’t know how to handle it. She tells Kara about the phone call the day after graduation, about finding out about Lex’s crimes, about finding out about Lionel’s sickness, about meeting Lillian, about taking over the company in Lex’s place because her father couldn’t. She explains the work she’s been doing, turning it around after Lex’s failures. She explains that she’s a Luthor now, and that comes with a lot of extra baggage and responsibilities and she was so lost for so long, figuring out what it meant to her, _for_ her, and she’s just now started to find her footing again.

When she finally finishes, Kara’s quiet for a very long time.

Finally, Lena has to say something. “I’m sorry I left and didn’t tell you why.”

“I’m sorry I let you go, and didn’t fight harder to understand,” Kara responds, and Lena turns to her in shock.

“Kara, no…”

Kara lets go of Lena’s hand, wringing her own fingers together instead. “I thought…I thought that maybe you’d just decided you didn’t want me, or like me like that anymore. I didn’t understand why, but I know it happens. You sleep with someone, and everything changes. I waited too long to let you know I liked you back, and…”

“Kara.” Lena stops her, setting down the cider and turning to take Kara’s face in both hands. “I never stopped loving you. I never stopped wanting you. I think, after that night, I only wanted you more. But everything changed and I didn’t know how to deal, and I messed up. I left, and I should have explained it better, and I’m sorry…”

And then Kara’s hands are on her waist and she’s kissing her again and Lena can feel tears on her cheeks, though she’s not quite sure whose they are. Her hands wind to the back of Kara’s neck and she’s pulling her closer, impossibly closer, and for the first time in years, everything feels so, so perfect. She feels a pull low in her stomach and Kara licks out and deepens the kiss and Lena thinks she might be flying.

The door bangs open, startling them apart. “Aunt Kara!” yells Astrid. “Mama says it’s candle time!”

Oblivious to what’s happening right in front of her, the little girl runs to Kara and jumps into her arms. Kara barely has time to let go of Lena and catch her. “Come in, pleeeeeease?” she begs.

Kara chuckles and stands, still holding Astrid. “Ok, munchkin.” She turns to Lena. “You coming?”

Lena nods and stands. They still have a lot to talk about, but maybe, for once, she can let herself enjoy the holiday.

Alex raises an eyebrow at them when they enter, taking Astrid from Kara, but she doesn’t say anything. Lena face is flushed, not just from cold, but no one else seems to notice. Mike is saying something conspiratorially to Imra in the corner and she’s giggling and Lena wonders how she didn’t see it before.

It’s painfully obvious as she watches. Kara treats Mike the exact same as she does Winn and Brainy, and vice versa. Imra and Mike disappear to the kitchen together for more snacks, and come back holding hands, sitting snuggled together on the couch. Lena’s the only one Kara sends little glances to, the only one she nudges with her socked foot, winking, when Winn asks who wants to play Pictionary. (Lena’s notoriously bad at Pictionary.)

And Astrid. Astrid loves everyone, it’s true, and she’s nearly as affectionate with Kara as she is with Alex, but Alex is the one she asks if she can have more cocoa, Alex is the one she turns to in excitement first after winning the game she plays with Nia, Alex is the one she hangs onto as Alex plays Mario Kart against Mike and Kara and Winn, jumping up and down saying, “faster, Mama, faster!”

Lena feels a little silly as she makes note of all these things, but Kara keeps winking at her, being soft and affectionate, refilling her glass and snack plate, and holding her hand as they watch some silly kids Christmas movie that maybe it’s all ok.

Once the festivities are winding down and Astrid has been put to bed, despite all her pouting and begging, Kara takes Lena’s hand and pulls her into the hallway off the kitchen.

Pressing her up against the wall, Kara leans in close. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Lena grins, and then they’re kissing again. Though, the proper term for this would probably be “making out”, but Lena doesn’t really dwell on the semantics because Kara’s kissing her, warm and solid and real. She feels like a teenager, stealing a few moments alone in secret inches from where anyone could find them, but she doesn’t care. For the first time in a long time, she doesn’t care because everything feel _right._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi apparently that's as much of a slowburn as I can do. These two idiots just wanted to be soft and adorable on Christmas, so you're welcome. Also, I'm way more into exploring their relationship as they work stuff out rather than ending it with them getting together. 
> 
> Look for the next chapter sometime this week! Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay, you guys. We went on a short trip to see family and I had limited internet access. So here, happy birthday to me :) Hope you enjoy the conclusion!

They don’t sleep together that night. Well, technically they do sleep, together, but they don’t have sex. Lena wakes up on Boxing Day warm and cozy in Kara’s arms and is instantly thrown back to 6 years prior after the best night of her life. She _really_ doesn’t want to get up this time.

She rolls over in Kara’s arms, smiling at the way her hair is messy from sleep, at how she can see every part of Kara’s face, unobstructed by her glasses. She strokes a soft hand over Kara’s cheek and is rewarded by a happy sigh and Kara snuggling closer.

The door opens and a small bundle jumps on the bed. “Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

Astrid is there, bouncing on Kara and pulling her from sleep. Kara groans, but Lena knows she’s not upset. This sort of thing probably happens all the time from the way Kara blindly pulls Astrid to her and wraps her into a tight hug. “Shhh. Auntie Kara’s sleeping. We have to be quiet when Auntie Kara’s sleeping.”

Lena knows it’s probably a cheep ploy for cuddles rather than Kara being still asleep, since Kara’s more of a morning person than anyone else she knows (or, at least she used to be), but she doesn’t say anything.

Astrid is not convinced. “But Lena’s awake,” she says, bouncing and poking Kara’s shoulder repeatedly. “It’s time for pancakes.”

Kara opens one eye huffs at Lena. “Traitor.”

Lena laughs and sits up, holding out her arms for the little girl, who comes willingly. “Let’s let your Aunt Kara sleep a little more, huh? You and I can go get some pancakes. If she’s lucky, we’ll leave her a few.”

Astrid bounces in Lena’s lap. “Yeah!”

Lena puts her on the floor and stands, pulling her oversized sweater on over the t-shirt and leggings she borrowed for bed, and slipping her feet into the slippers Kara lent her. As they leave the room, she throws a glance over her shoulder and catches Kara’s eye with a smirk.

Kara’s not long to follow.

Lena’s so impossibly warm and light and _happy_ , making pancakes with Astrid in the kitchen, brewing coffee and cutting up fruit. Especially when Kara comes down dressed in her soft joggers and t-shirt, a flannel thrown overtop, snuggling into Lena’s back and kissing her neck.

Lena flips the batch of pancakes she’s working on and turns in Kara’s arms, lifting her own arms to wind around Kara’s neck.

“Morning.”

“Morning,” Kara grins, and leans in to kiss her.

“I need more juice!” Astrid announces. Lena drops her head to Kara’s collarbone and laughs as Kara groans, just loud enough for her to hear. She plants a quick kiss to the side of Lena’s head and turns toward the fridge.

“How do you ask, kiddo?”

“Please?” Astrid begs, pouting a little and holding out her cup.

Kara gets Astrid her juice and then fixes a cup of coffee for herself. She leans her hip against the counter, smiling at Lena as she makes the pancakes. “Those look great.”

Alex arrives before Lena can respond, kissing Astrid’s head good morning as she passes, making a beeline for the coffee.

“We’re having pancakes!” Astrid tells her.

Alex takes a long drink of coffee before responding. “I see that, baby. Thanks, Lena.”

Lena smiles, handing her a plate of pancakes.

“Hey!” Kara protests, but doesn’t move from her position at the counter.

“Can I have a sleepover with Lena tonight like Aunt Kara?” Astrid asks.

Alex chokes on her pancake. She turns toward the pair, an eyebrow raised and a smirk forming on her lips. Lena busies herself with the next batch of pancakes and Kara blushes furiously.

“A sleepover, huh?” Alex asks, her tone dripping with insinuation.

“Not like _that_ ,” Kara mumbles. Alex doesn’t have much chance to respond because Winn and James enter the kitchen, arguing about some video game thing and Eliza shows up moments later to take over the pancake making.

No one seems surprised or bothered that Lena is there. She fits seamlessly into the little group, in a way she usually only feels comfortable with Sam and Ruby.

Alex corners her after breakfast. “You hurt her like that again, and they will not find your body.”

“Oh. Uh…” Lena responds lamely.

But then Alex is pulling her into a tight hug and whispering: “Missed you, kid,” into her ear.

Lena only cries a little bit, but everything’s ok because Alex smiles at her knowingly and returns to the group, giving her a minute to compose herself.

Kara clings to her side the whole day. She holds her hand as they eat breakfast and puts an arm around her on the couch as they do a puzzle and presses her feet to Lena’s thigh as they sit on the floor playing “Go Fish” with Astrid. Lena loves it—Sam calls her ‘touch starved’ for a reason, and Kara’s touch is everything she wants.

* * *

She doesn’t stay the night again, though she wants to. She knows Kara wants it too, even before she voices her fears as they stand by the door saying their goodbyes.

“I’m afraid if I let you leave, you won’t come back.” Kara’s voice is very small. She sounds ashamed, and Lena’s heart hurts.

“Kara.” She takes her hands. “I promise I’ll be back. I promise I won’t just walk away this time. I know…I know you have no reason to believe me, but I promise. Truly.”

Kara takes a breath. “I know. I know you’re not going to leave again, but I just…that’s where my mind goes.”

Lena looks down. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you that way, that I made you afraid.”

“Can we…” Kara shrugs a little and huffs a laugh. “Can we go get, I don’t know, coffee or something tomorrow? I feel like we should probably talk about some of this before…well, before we decide what we are moving forward.”

“That’s a good idea.” Lena smiles. “I’ll meet you tomorrow at 10?”

Kara nods, giving her a quick kiss. “See you then.”

They meet up for brunch. They talk about everything and nothing and Lena can see Kara skirting the issue all through the meal.

“I know I have no right to ask this,” Lena finally says, “and I know we live in different cities across the countries, so it will be hard, but I really don’t want to let go of you again, even if it can only be friendship.”

“I don’t know that I can promise you anything more,” Kara tells her honestly, “not without hope for some sort of future, but I want it too.”

“I am rich,” Lena reminds her. “Stupidly so. I can fly out to see you, or fly you out to see me whenever we want. Once a month. Once a week even.”

Kara scratches at the back of her neck, nodding, but she doesn’t look convinced. “I just can’t lose you again,” she says. “I want to say the risk is worth it, but I spent seven years trying and failing to get over you. What if this is only meant to be closure? What if we don’t actually work out? What then?”

They’re good questions, ones Lena herself has been struggling with. “Does it help that I feel the same way? That I’m worried about the same things?”

Kara runs her hands over her face. “I don’t know. I want to say yes, but I’m scared, Lena.”

“I need to make a phone call.”

Kara frowns, clearly not expecting that reaction. “Ok.”

Luckily, Sam picks up right away.

“You’re _not_ coming home. Ruby’s already packed.”

“No, that’s not…expanding L-Corp to National City is still on the table, right?”

“Uh, I think so? I thought we were focussing on small towns until June, though.”

Lena nods, even though Sam can’t see her, glancing back at the table where Kara’s turning down a coffee refill from their server.

“Yeah, that’s fine. As long as it’s still on the table. As long as it’s still a possibility.”

“Lena…”

“I just need hope, Sam.”

“Please be careful.”

Lena rolls her eyes but smiles. “I will, Mom.”

“I’m serious, Lena.”

“Me too.”

She hangs up and heads back to Kara, fighting to keep a giddy grin off her face as she sits.

“I know this isn’t the perfect solution, but L-Corp has been thinking of moving one of our larger locations to National City. It won’t happen for at least six months, but should be finalized by next Christmas. If you’re willing to try a long distance relationship until then, I promise to do everything I can to make it work.”

Kara looks at her without speaking for so long that Lena’s afraid she’s overstepped. She’s about to speak up and give Kara an out when the other woman grins.

“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

Lena blushes. “Um. Yeah. I guess I am.”

Kara reaches out and squeezes her hand. “Ok.”

“Ok?”

“Ok. On one condition.”

Lena nods. “Anything.”

“Let me take you out on a proper date tomorrow night.”

Lena laughs out loud. “Of course.”

* * *

Kara picks her up at 7 on the dot the next evening, dressed in a suit and crisp white shirt, with a pea coat and scarf overtop to ward off the cold. She opens Lena’s door for her, pays for the meal, and is everything a perfect gentleman ought to be.

Lena can tell she’s nervous though—nervous about screwing it up, screwing _them_ up before they’ve really even begun.

But this is her _best friend_ , even though it’s been over half a decade, and she knows in her bones that Kara has nothing to be nervous about. Wild horses couldn’t drag her away from Kara this time, not when she’s been given a second chance at everything she’s ever wanted.

Kara hesitates on the porch when they arrive back at Lena’s rented house and Lena wants nothing more than to reassure her that she’s not leaving this time. If she had her way, she’d never leave again.

“Want to come in for a night cap?” She asks, reaching up to brush some of Kara’s hair back from her face.

“Is…is that ok?”

“Nothing has to happen, Kara, unless we both decide we want it to. It can just be a drink. But…I’m not quite ready for this night to end.”

Kara swallows. “Me either.”

Lena leads her inside.

Twenty minutes later finds their wine glasses abandoned on the coffee table, and Lena straddling Kara’s lap on the couch.

“This isn’t…this isn’t moving too fast?” Kara gasps into her mouth as Lena grinds down on her.

Lena pulls back, her chest heaving. “We can stop if you want.”

Kara’s eyes flick downward and her pupils dilate even more. “I don’t want to. But I don’t want to push you…”

“Kara.” Lena presses her hands to Kara’s warm cheeks, smiling down at her. “I have loved you since the moment I met you. I will aways want you, want _this._ ”

Kara smiles. “Good,” she manages, and pulls Lena down into a searing kiss. And somehow, while all Lena’s blood is pooling low in her belly, Kara manages to stand up, still holding her, and carry her to the bedroom.

It’s even better than Lena remembers, even if they both cry afterwards. She falls asleep with Kara curled around her, perfectly content for the first time in a long, long time.

* * *

For the third time in her life, Lena wakes in Kara’s arms. She feels Kara stir beside her and blink blearily awake to smile. Neither of them have anywhere to be, and there are no little nieces running in to force them up, so they bask in the warmth and their rediscovered love until Kara’s stomach starts to growl and Lena can feel a caffeine headache coming on.

They’re halfway through breakfast when Lena remembers what day it is.

Her fork clatters to her plate. “Shit. Sam and Ruby are coming soon.”

Kara looks at her with wide eyes. “What time?”

“Early afternoon, I think?” Lena glances at the clock. “Who knows. I haven’t checked my phone to see if they’re on schedule or not.”

Kara finishes her breakfast quickly and leans over to give her a kiss. “I’ll let you get ready for them. Are you coming over tomorrow night?”

Lena falters. She hasn’t asked Sam yet. “I hope so,” she says. “I’ll let you know.”

When Kara’s gone, she cleans the whole house for something to do. They arrive at 2:30, just as she’s putting the slow cooker on to make stew for supper.

Ruby is thrilled to see her, as usual, and thrilled to be out of the city. They watch movies and play games all afternoon and evening, as Lena psyches herself up to ask about the New Years Eve gathering.

She tries for nonchalance, but Sam sees right through it.

“A party? At Kara’s house?”

“We don’t have to go,” Lena says hurriedly. “We can just stick to the original plan. That’s totally fine. It’s fine. We were just invited, is all.”

“I wouldn’t mind a party,” Ruby says.

Sam shoots her daughter a look. “Is it really a good idea, Lena?”

“Yes,” Lena says immediately, and doesn’t elaborate.

Sam’s still looking at her funny, but she says, “Ok.”

“There won’t be other kids there, Rubes, except a four year old. The adults are chill, though.”

“That’s ok,” Ruby says. “As long as we can play games and watch movies and have snacks.”

Lena smiles. “I think we can manage.”

* * *

They arrive at the Danvers’ home at 7:00 on the 31st, arms laden with games, homemade cookies and alcohol. Eliza opens the door and welcomes them in, kissing Lena’s cheek and warmly greeting Sam and Ruby. She takes their coats and directs them to the kitchen to drop off the treats before joining the fun in the living room.

There are a few older women Lena doesn’t recognize, some of Eliza’s friends she presumes, Kara, Alex, Mike, Imra, Nia, Brainy, Jonn and Astrid. Kara’s in the middle of playing Wii with Nia when they arrive, and shoves her controller into Imra’s hands, who laughs and gives it to Brainy. Kara bounds over and wraps Lena in a tight hug.

“You came!”

“Yeah, uh, this is Sam and her daughter Ruby.”

“Hi!” Kara exclaims, shaking hands with Sam and grinning at Ruby. “So glad you all could make it! I’m Kara.”

Sam shakes her hand a bit warily, but then Alex walks over and Lena feels her posture shift.

More introductions are made, and as the settle into the party, Lena feels tension she didn’t realize she was holding start to ebb away.

Ruby plays video games with Nia and Mike, Alex and Sam have hit it off a little too well, and Kara stays near her the entire evening.

Astrid is in awe of Ruby, and the older girl seems delighted and amused by the little girl. She charms both Sam and Ruby easily, making Alex’s heart eyes toward Sam grow even more.

As midnight approaches, Lena snuggles close to Kara. “Thank you,” she says, stroking a thumb over Kara’s cheek, flushed from both the excitement and the drinks.

“For what?”

“For giving me a second chance.”

Kara kisses her chastely. “Just know: I’m not letting you go so easily this time.”

Lena grins and catches Sam’s eye across the room, blushing. Her friend winks at her and Lena smiles up at Kara.

“Good, because I’m not either.”

Kara kisses her again at midnight, wishing her a happy new year, and Lena’s pretty sure it will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may be an epilogue at some point but don't hold your breath. Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed so far! I literally thought of this fic like a week ago and have been busting my butt to get it done in time for the holidays, so if if feels rushed or like character development is a bit lacking, you're probably right. 
> 
> (I had this image of Lena showing up on Kara's doorstep at Christmastime after breaking up years ago and a little girl opening the door, who Lena mistook for Kara's child. Things kind of spiraled from there. Also, please don't hate me for bringing in Mon-El, he's necessary for the story to work but make no mistake that this is 100% a supercorp story, with no jealousy (on his part) and no cheating.) 
> 
> Let me know if there are glaringly obvious Hanukkah mistakes and I'll fix them. I'm trying to blend traditions, one of which I know little about, but I want to be true to the fandom headcanons about Kara/the Danvers' being Jewish. I hope to have the next chapter up tomorrow, so look for that!


End file.
